Dads can suffer too

Disclaimer: This article is written from the perspective of heterogeneous couples

When it comes to postpartum depression, most people focus on moms and children. In fact, fathers are also the significant ones to talk to. Please meet Steven Gallegos. He is a new dad. He was over the moon, welcoming her son, Caleb. However, Steven, who had never suffered from anxiety or depression before, said he began to feel hopeless, overwhelmed, irritable, and, at times, dealt with suicidal thoughts. "There was just kind of like a fog of, 'I didn't know what to do.' Honestly, my mind was a complete jumble of confusion as I pondered, "What the hell is going on?" Like, how do I navigate this?" Steven remarked.

Steven is not on his own. Studies say one in ten fathers experiences mental health difficulties in the first year of postpartum (Cookin et al., 2015). Furthermore, according to the study mentioned in Dad & Mental Health: A Parents & Verywell Mind Study (2023), (a) three in four dads think there should be more mental health support for fathers, and (b) eight in ten dads say they never prioritize their family’s needs above their own. Beyond that, the Mental Health Foundation (2018) stated that young fathers are significantly more likely to experience depression compared to older fathers. This is factual; it could have happened anywhere in the world.

A father suffering from paternal postpartum depression has a significant impact on the family. Through the Sad Dads study, Kim and Swain (2007) discovered that it will (1) increase children’s emotional and behavioral problems at later ages; (2) disturb children’s development of secure attachment with fathers; (3) increase conflicts in marital relationships; and (4) influence mothers to be more vulnerable to depression.

Revealing true feelings

Fathers frequently prioritize their family's demands before their own, and they frequently cover up their actual emotions. When fathers talk with their friends, sports, events, and careers are the main topics of conversation. In addition, mental health is the rarest topic to talk about, study says. Consequently, father-related wellbeing issues, for instance, postpartum depression, have become uncommon. They buried their feelings, and many times they were unaware of it. Then suddenly, puff! It exploded, affecting not only them but the entire family.

Therefore, it is critical for fathers to begin thinking about themselves and being honest with their actual condition and their true feelings. Now imagine this. As social creatures, humans need each other. "We share mirror neurons that allow us to match each other’s emotions unconsciously and immediately,” claimed Nick Morgan. When people do not express their true feelings or their true emotions, how will they get support? Dads are in an identical scenario. Realize that, Dad! And that is perfectly fine—to reveal your true feelings and to be vulnerable as well. You are a human.

The shifted-narrative

Aside from that, the narrative around postpartum depression in society should be altered. Dads can suffer too, and they need support as well. The large movement should support this effort concurrently. I know it is not as easy as a blink of an eye! More encouragement from a mother and active communication in each pair as they await and prepare for their baby, according to Kim and Swain, may help the father's involvement in parenting and ease them as a new dad. Thus, to be underlined, being a parent, either as a mom or a dad, should be decided responsibly. A huge chore awaits!

This has a good effect when combined with support and appreciation from other family members about the father's position as not only a provider but also a caregiver. At this point, we may blame patriarchy, and for many areas of this world, this is a lengthy journey to sort out because this is one of the underlying reasons for the problem. However, educational approaches at all societal levels become a significant key to achieving public awareness.

On a policy front, Kim and Swain concretely suggest justice-paid paternal leave. On paper, Japan's policy regarding paternal leave is excellent. Fathers are legally entitled to take up to a year off and be paid for it. Iceland, through their new 2021 legislation, allows fathers to take up to 6 months of leave, of which 6 weeks are transferable to the other parent. As a result, in Iceland, paternal leave improves gender equality at home (Arnalds et al., 2022).

This is an ongoing movement. Complicated. However, this could be a cliché yet valid: we should start with a small, tiny step; we should start now; we should start from ourselves; we should start from you. So, when it comes to talking about postpartum, it is not only about the mother. It is also about the father. It is about a nuclear unit that affects our community. When we can handle challenges from this unit, we can move forward to combat superior obstacles in our society.